One of my biggest pet hates is using children as weapons.
I have seen this happen time and time again and I get rather angry and honestly voice my opinions to the mothers in question.
No breakup is ever easy but unless there is a valid reason for stopping contact between a child and its father this decision should never be taken lightly.
Yes of course I agree if abuse towards the child has taken place, emotionally as well as physically or other forms then he should not be allowed unsupervised access but using children as weapons to point score is very wrong.
Many women become bitter and angry when their ex becomes involved in a new relationship and many use their child to hurt their ex, this has to be the most common reason I have heard of a mother stopping all contact.
I understand that being left for another women bruises our egos and we can become sad and lonely but this is no excuse for causing upset to our children.
This is wrong.
Why should a child have to suffer?
I have heard every excuse in the book into why a child should not see its father and to be honest I am not convinced any of those reasons are plausible enough.
I personally had supervised visits put in place after a court case to ensure the safety of my own children when visiting their father. I have done everything in my power to ensure my children have had regular contact with my ex-husband, because they requested contact take place.
I went again my own judgement and wants and put them first.
In the end the children decided they no longer felt safe with unsupervised access and after an incident where they became afraid, they have requested not to have any further contact at this time.
This was their choice to make.
In the future if they ask to see their father again, then I will do all I can to ensure something safe is again put back in place.
My ex-husband and I had a volatile marriage that contained violence; this was my initial fear when contact was discussed. I voiced my concerns and did thankfully convince them to supervise the visits for a period of time.
I was told that my past with my ex could not be allowed to cloud my judgment of him as a father, he had never hurt the children and that went against me in some sense.
I was reminded that I had to put the children’s needs first.
The court did grant my ex regular contact, but because the children were old enough, it was left to them each week if they chose to go.
I can hold my head high knowing that I have always put my children first when it comes to contact with their father.
It is important to a child to know who its parents are, what right does a mother have to cut such an important person out of their lives, all because they are bitter.
It is not responsible or appropriate behaviour to suddenly ban a father from seeing his child without good cause.
Using children as weapons to hurt an ex is wrong
If a father walks out and refuses to have any contact, is violent or has made threats to harm then I can understand but some of the excuses I have heard, make me angry.
This is especially true when an ex introduces a new partner. The father has been allowed to see his child up until that point when he reveals he has met a new girlfriend.
Some women feel intimidated by the presence of this other women and begin to believe that she will try to steal the mummy title, her child has a mother, she does not want another women anywhere near her child.
Then there is the jealousy of thinking of the ex and his girlfriend playing happy families with her child.
This is childish and really shows how bitter women can be.
The same goes for mothers who bad mouth their ex in front of their children. Your own views and opinions of your ex need to be kept away from your child.
All children have a right to know who their father is; using children as weapons to hurt an ex is hurting the child too.
I think it’s about time some form of punishment for those mothers who play games with their children’s lives needs to be brought into place.
What are your own views on this subject?