Here is my story about my beautiful baby boy Lewis David Middleton and how SIDS took my baby from me.
Please read it and acknowledge that this is not only my story but a warning of how dangerous co-sharing with your baby can be.
On the 21/11/02, after 22 hours of the worst back labour, I gave birth to Lewis, well Tyler as he was known for all of an hour, then I decided I didn’t like the name.
So he became Lewis, weighing 7 pound, 11 and a half ounces and 54cm long. From the moment he was born I felt unconditional love only a mother can feel.
As he was my first born I decided to stay in hospital to gain my confidence and then when I wanted to go home they wouldn’t let me.
They were concerned I had blood clot, so even though Lewis was free to go, unfortunately I wasn’t. So after being in hospital for just under a week, finally me and Lewis were free to go home together, to start our new life together, it was just so amazing.
As we began our life together, he was a very content baby, very good at sleeping through the night, amazingly until about 5am.
He was so quiet never really made a sound.
As I watched him grow I saw his character begin to grow and develop, he recognised my voice straight away. He was such a hungry baby, so at 5weeks +3days I started him on half a rusk mashed up, as he was on 9oz bottles.
We had such a lovely Christmas.
He was very spoilt, not only by me but by many. We spent Christmas day at a very close friend of mines, then New Year at his daddy’s. We have so many lovely memories.
Shortly after and the week before he died I was so poorly with tonsillitis. Also I had taken Lewis to the doctors as he was unwell, only to be told he was FIN. It was just a cold. Three times I took him and was told the same thing as the time before.
Well on the 03/01/03 we were both feeling loads better, so off out we went shopping. And mummy spoilt her little man lots and lots.
That day he slept a lot and not fed well, which left me feeling concerned.
On that night, he was restless so I placed him in bed with me and he settled straight off, shortly after I fell asleep. I thought I was doing the right thing.
At 5.30am that morning I woke to go the toilet but getting to the bedroom door something made me turn around and look at Lewis. He was so still, so as I walked over to check on him, I noticed the slightest trickle of blood from his nose. I picked him up, he was warm but unresponsive, no pulse, no breathing.
I ran screaming into his daddy’s bedroom, his daddy dialled 999 and as he started to talk to the emergency operator I began to do mouth to mouth on my tiny little baby boy.
I kept doing it until the fast response paramedic arrived and took him from me. He quickly attached pads and started CPR. That vision is still one that I see so clearly, my baby boy in the arms of paramedics at the top of his daddy’s stairs.
Not long after an ambulance arrived and a doctor car.
All three people came rushing in; they tubed my son and worked on him while I got clothes on. Two paramedics and the doctor got into the back of the ambulance where they continued to work on Lewis, while I had to sit up front as there was no room in back, the trip to hospital is a blur.
As we arrived at the hospital it was like scene off casualty, doctors and nurses waiting outside, ready to rush my son off into resus.
Me and his daddy were ushered into a relatives room, a nurse came to tell me that my son was very poorly and could I tell her any information that might help them understand what was going on.
After what seemed like a life time, my mom and dad had arrived, then a doctor and two nurses came into the room. They didn’t need to say anything to me, I could see it in their faces, and my son had left me and become an Angel.
I think that I already knew this in my heart.
Shortly after, they brought him to me, I took him in my arms, he looked so peaceful and at ease with the world. It was just like he was sleeping, still so warm.
I prayed to anyone who would listen for my boy to take a breath and to come back to me but he didn’t.
I remember it starting snowing, so I held him up to the window so see the snow, I told him how beautiful and special he was and I loved him with all my heart.
SIDS Killed My Baby But They Thought I Had Done It
A police officer came to tell me that they were taking my baby away for a post-mortem and that I would have to be interviewed.
The last piece of my heart broke.
Did they suspect me, his mom of hurting my beautiful baby?
How could they?
He was my world, my life, my everything.
A nurse came from special care to make me a copy of his hand and foot prints. She had to hold his tiny hand open, as by this time rigamortis had started to set in.
They also cut me a lock of his soft hair.
By this time two of my very special friends had come to attempt to comfort me. I had Lewis christened and was given a special baptism card.
The police then returned, for about an hour they kept telling it was now time to hand over my baby, it was time to say goodbye.
After unwillingly handing MY son over, they carefully placed him in a mosses basket and took him away.
I was then told I would not be allowed to see him until after the post-mortem and they had released his body.
Then came the time to leave the hospital and face the long drive home, in silence, it seemed to take forever. I went back to my friend’s house as I couldn’t face going back to Lewis’s daddy’s house. We then had to tell my friends four boys the terrible news and try and explain what had happened.
The next thing we know the police are knocking on the door. I had to go through everything I had done the previous day and night.
I felt like a criminal, I felt like I was being judged.
Both me and his dad had to sign a statement.
If this wasn’t bad enough the flat had been taped off as a crime scene, forensics went in and took his dummies, his made up bottles, clothes, car seat, my night clothes, his bouncer, even the mattress, pillows and bedding.
After a week and a half the post-mortem results had come back, it had been concluded that my baby had died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, SIDS. It was not my fault, I had not accidental suffocated him.
This did not make me feel better, it didn’t comfort me, it made it more painful and harder to accept.
My healthy baby boy had gone to sleep and peacefully stopped breathing for no reason.
On the 16/01/03 I saw Lewis at the chapel of rest.
He looked so peaceful and still so beautiful. I held him, and he was just so cold, he was not there anymore, It was just his shell, his spirit left him the morning I said goodbye and left him at the hospital. I was completely broken and just cried so much.
I went to see him again on the 20th. This time he was in his tiny coffin. I placed a picture of me next to him with a letter, teddy and blanket. He was wearing a new next outfit, Adidas trainers I had brought the day before he died and a teddy bear coat he’d had for Christmas.
I also placed a single white rose in his coffin with letters off friends. The next time I was to see him was the day I had to say my final goodbye.
21.01/03 was the day of the finial goodbye. We waited for the hearse and limo to arrive. All the flowers were laid on my friend’s garden.
Time passed and my baby boy arrived late for his own funeral. At the church I totally fell apart.
His daddy did him so proud; he carried his tiny white coffin.
My friends helped and supported me as I laid a red rose on his coffin as everything I own played, then we followed him back out of the church to Shooting Star, by Flip n Fill. We then went on to the crematorium; the drive seemed to take forever.
As we entered the crematorium Ronan Keating, If Tomorrow Never Comes, played.
There was not a single person who did not cry, the vicar gave a lovely speech.
And as the curtains closed around my baby, the music played and my beautiful baby was gone forever.
So this is my beautiful sons story, my warning to you all is PLEASE PLEASE do not bed share, sofa share or anything of the kind, the best and only place your baby should sleep is in his/her own cot on their backs.
Acknowledge my and his story, as if reading this my son’s story, saves just one baby’s life, then his death with not have been in vain.
I miss him every second of every day; I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone.
Keep your babies safe; please make yourself aware of ALL SIDS risk factors, what you should do and shouldn’t. Our children are the most important gift and they can be taken in the blink of an eye!!
XXX♥ x ♥ x ♥ XXX
LEWIS DAVID MIDDLETON MUMMYS LIL MILK MONSTER 21/11/02 – 04/01/03 FOREVER LOVED NEVER FORGOTTEN SLEEP WELL
MY PRECIOUS BABY BOY ♥
This post is an anonymous post written by an inspiring mum who wishes to share her own experience in the hope of helping others. I have full permission to share this story. Why not share your own story?