Thank you so much for your blog about your bullying brother, it came up as I was searching for answers as to my own upbringing with a brother just one year younger than me (no other siblings) who terrified me.
He did horrible things and sometimes got the neighbor boys to do it too.
Slapping, threatening, violent teasing and even peeing on me became a game to him and like you I just took it, up until I was about ten years old and told my mom I had enough and could take no more.
I was being bullied by a sibling and somehow that made it hurt more.
She said ” Next time he does something, punch him in the nose”
After all those years of taking it from him, I didn’t wait long for the moment to punch him and then I ended up getting in trouble for it.
Like you my brother was sickeningly, treated like the golden boy and favored.
Nobody seemed to know his dark side, a really ugly malicious side.
His friends in later years began to see it and his wife, who has somehow managed to stay with him for 12 years although she’s threatened to leave him.
He has always been an outgoing attention seeker and so in some ways I see through it all, but lately I’ve been thinking about the truth of it, realising just how tormented he is and was, and just how bullied and abused I was.
I know it’s normal for siblings to have issues but I was bullied by a sibling and what I endured physically and psychologically growing up near him was truly gargantuan.
I was afraid of him being around the next corner and of his arrogance and seeming uncaring of what affect he had on me and others.
He carries these traits to this day, perhaps softened a little by time, but it comes out in his selfishness and his being completely uninterested in trying to talk about some of the things that need to be talked about, in order for there to be any kind of relationship and I question whether I want one with him anyway.
For the last decade we basically have only seen each other on rare family gatherings. My mom has mental illness and is incarcerated and I know that was very hard for us all and still is.
Neither he nor the rest of my family have talked much if at all about what happened and when I bring up my need to talk I feel like I shouldn’t be.
So I guess in some ways although I love my whole family very much this is also about all of them.
They allowed me to be bullied by a sibling.
In his case, I have extended myself to a long line of no returned calls, no returned letters or emails, and am about to give up. I feel like it’s wrong to cut him off, as that includes his family and my nieces, but I don’t know what else to do.
Is this an overreaction?
I’m so close in it that I’ve just dismissed it thinking I’m blowing it out of proportion.
I’m 43 years old and maybe it’s time to just let it go.
Thanks for listening
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